THE CAT BUTTS IN

Hello, this is Jamal's cat

Don't listen to his crap

Bad dog this bad dog that

When All Dogs Are Trash

That is right.

Dogs BARK AND GROWL VICIOUSLY

What do cats do but the occasional (justified) hiss

Dogs MOVE ABOUT YOU SUSPICIOUSLY

Cats are too dignified to do such disgraceful things

That is right.

Dogs do not cover their *ahem* "doings"

*haughty sniff* cats are refined and Very High Brow

A cat has a routine of daily cleaning and preening

An Etiquette immortalized in this book by Clawman Mao

That is right.

Dogs lick their owners and raise a fuss

Hmph. Cats do not accost you in such a way

Unless provoked by an Act of God, such as tuna

A cat is the paragon of noblesse and suavité

That is right.

When carrying out a heist, dogs ATTACK

Dogs account for 99% cases of RABIES

Cat heists are polite and nice and gentlemanly

And likely Revolutionary Justice for a dearth of Treats

That is right.

You may say cats cause fleas and allergies

Yet humans made us powder and cetirizine

There is no excuse in today's world

To not serve your local Feline

That is right.

Some purport that cats are ungrateful

This is blatant species-ism I say

Biology underlines a pact between us

That entitles us to human care and pay

That is right.

There is a natural order, see

Dogs agree they are lower than mankind

Humans agree they are lower than cats

And cats grant their presence to (OFT HEEDLESS AND UNGRATEFUL) lower life

That is right.

Another proof is that Humans go to Hell

Cats do not go to that place because Cats are perfect

The Prophet (S.A.W.) said a lady was sent there for not feeding her cat

A fact that Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim attest

That is right.

So don't believe everything you read, dear reader

Take it straight from this cat's mouth

This boy has his head in the skies

And I am Hungry and Very Irritated at the nonsense he spouts

That is right.

https://youtu.be/Sa3-M62nu3w

INKTOBER 22: HEIST/"THE CAT BUTTS IN"

MUSIC: Morning Has Broken, Cat Stevens

VIDEO: The Aristocats, 1970, Disney

Dedicated to all the wonderful felines who blessed me with their acquaintance. Especially the Right. Hon. Saya (may his soul rest in peace), partly the reason I stopped keeping cats.